I think I died a long time ago.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
