Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
