i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
