You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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