Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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