Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
