those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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