I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
