Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
there is glitter all over my balls
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