girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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