Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
