I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
