You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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