Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
