I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
