When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
