I looked at my own cervix.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
do nipples grow back?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
