i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
