1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
