i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
