3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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