ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
