Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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