He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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