I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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