Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
