Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
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If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
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That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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