how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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