dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I met the friendliest cop last night
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
