when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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