i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
