So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
