My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
