babies were throwing up all over the place
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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