He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
