I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He did a backflip because drugs
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