My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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