i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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