Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
