I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
