Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
