I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
