I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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