don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
