I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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