My friends, they love my intelligence
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
