he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
