i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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