I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
