just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
