I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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