im having a threesome with these popsicles
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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