grandma shit on top of the toilet
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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