My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Small penises have feelings too.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
