you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
