Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
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I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
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Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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