Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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