So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
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Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
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We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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