Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
