why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
