I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
