Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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