small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it's great music for shaving your balls
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
