so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
